I had hoped my first post to the blog in 2017 would be a fantastic fiber review of all things amazing from 2016… but nope. In fact, this ends up being a non-fiber, journal type post simply because my focus in the last week has taken a drastic turn to my health and well-being.
I have already told my family privately – and have teetered back and forth about sharing or not sharing or sharing afterwards…. so I figure its time to just share. Perhaps someone out there can gain some direction, inspiration, or value from what I have to say.
On December 27th, I received a call from my doctor’s office … well, not “a” call… “the” call. In the last year I went from “on the verge of pre-diabetic” to full on out-of-control diabetes. Granted, my fasting blood sugar level was 270 (not as high as others I’ve talked to) but my A1C was 9 (or a little higher…admittedly, the call kinda took me by surprise*).
As I sat on the phone, at work, in silence – listening to the nurse prattle off my wretched numbers – I could only think of my absolute inability to give myself a shot. How was it going to happen? Why did I let it happen? I mentioned the needle aversion and she stated I would start out on pills first, to try and manage it that way and then we’d see how it goes in 3 months and then, make some decisions then.
manage? … manage it?
I was able to muster up enough of a voice, me – a person who always has something to say, to ask “can I have a month to try and self correct through weight loss and diet?”
The nurse did not seem very put out that I asked but I could hear it in her voice when she responded that she had been asked this same question by others before me and in the end, she was going to end up prescribing the pills. In her voice it said “yeah… right – whatever you think.” The words that actually came out were “take the full 3 months. I would still like you to see a dietitian.”
It kinda broke my heart a little bit – her lack of confidence was disturbing.
I’ve had interesting back and forth with getting an appointment with a dietitian who is earmarked as “in-network” by my insurance along with making the realization that I prayed for motivation to exercise the last couple months…. perhaps this is the motivation God set in front of me?
Some may call me crazy, but I believe it is – but why? First we have to understand that sometimes the answer to the prayer is either no response/change at all OR something is put into your life to create the answer to your request in the way its supposed to be answered. Some lose faith when they pray and pray for some outcome and nothing happens or, in more drastic cases, the worst possible outcome could occur. Many lose sight that this life is about God’s will – and His will may not always be ours. For me, in this situation, diabetes may not be how I had envisioned the answered prayer, but here it is. I have had ample opportunity in the past to come home, throw on my running shoes and do something about my weight. I have had ample opportunity to come home and prepare a truly healthy meal**.
But I didn’t. I chose to come home, relax, perhaps grab some fast food or whip up some pasta or meat/potatoes type meals. I chose to use my stress levels*** as an excuse to not move and to not eat well. All of these choices, in the last year, have come home to roost – they have manifested themselves as Type 2 Diabetes.
And what of motivation? I have done more for myself in the last 6 days than I have in the last 6 years. I am motivated.
I was on a call earlier today with Rabbit, my oldest. We were talking about this .. this “situation” I have put myself in and she asked me a very interesting question: “Are you worried at all that once you get rid of diabetes and your high blood pressure, that you will stop doing what you are doing and go back?”
I did not have to think about my response, which was a rather prompt “No” – but then she asked “why not?” – and again, the response was right there. Why? Because I have a reason not to go back. When I lost 70 pounds in 2010, I did it to feel better. I had no other reason than I just wanted to. As I told Rabbit, there was no harm or foul if I went back to my old habits or, in my case, maintain decent habits but still gain weight back (albeit, thankfully, not all of it). Now, I have a reason not to. Sure, there are great reasons to do it, but the reason to not do it is even bigger. There are health implications if I do not.
I see the dietitian on Thursday… I’m watching my sugar each morning to get a fasting number and monitoring my blood pressure three times a day****. I am reading a book by Joel Furhman ….
Big changes are going on. Big changes that are working. While I don’t know my A1C, I can say that my fasting blood sugar is now down to 174 as of this morning and my diet has improved greatly. My energy levels are high – everything I am doing seems to be the right things to do… My diabetes mantra has become “I do not want to manage my diabetes, I want to get rid of it.”
While I will continue to blog about fiber, this is a pretty big piece of my life right now. For those of you who do not want to read the personal stuff, just skip anything tagged as [Journal] in the title.
*And by saying “took me by surprise” – I mean I knew the call was going to happen eventually…. I’m a 40 year old, obese woman…. it was bound to happen. I just didn’t know that this was going to be that time. I really felt I had all the time in the world. Would you believe I had to call back and ask “what type of diabetes was that?” and “do I have to have a meter for this?”.
**I genuinely believe that the majority of the American population cannot truly lay out a healthy meal plan. What many people think is healthy, really is not. We have been programmed for our current lifestyle which involves processed and packaged foods. Just my belief. I’m guessing most won’t agree with me.
***Stress is a bad thing when you are talking about finding motivation, but it also has negative impact to your general health and well-being… blood sugar included! I’ll blog about my 4 Pillar Plan next.
****Monitoring my blood pressure three times a day is really my own doing. No one asked me to – I just feel I can get a better “big picture” of my progress if I do. Did I mention I’m a numbers person?*****
*****I am using my analytical and critical thinking skillset seriously heavily in all of this. It’s all logic and chemistry, right? Things I love.