Things haven’t been so lovely as of recent – and I know that my complaints aren’t really what people want to read about… I know I know – its my blog. I can say whatever I want.
But even in my “real” life (I use air quotes because who I am on this blog is who I am in real life), I try not to walk around and complain. In a way, I think the majority of all I come in contact with appreciate my outlook on life, but admittedly when things hit, they hit hard.The last week has been pretty rough emotionally and financially – but quite frankly, today I took a proverbial punch to the jaw and I’m finding it difficult to “take my hour.”
Let me explain really quick what that means – I really try to keep a positive attitude about all things regardless of the impact to me or my routine or expectations. The fact is, things change. Life changes – and if it didn’t, how dull would that be. So when I’m hit with something that impacts me personally, I try to “take my hour” – which means its a short amount of time to truly process why I feel the way I do (about whatever it is) and take that moment to mentally adjust myself so I can move forward with a smile.
Today’s punch was just cruddy – it was from someone I didn’t expect and news I didn’t expect to hear. When you are told something will be a certain way (and you perceive to be the best way… which is why you do what you do) and then suddenly, even after a history of certain types of decisions being bad, that same decision is repeated…. and it changes how I felt things were going and introduced a level of mistrust to the system that said it was going to work in a way you work well with….
Is it a huge, major earth-shattering change? No. It really isn’t. I think that’s why it feels weird to not be able to take my hour easily. This rarely happens. The good news is that maybe taking my hour means taking a couple hours or maybe a day or two, but in the end – its all ok. I will be fine and everything at work will be fine. I get to pay more attention to certain things and be wary as certain decision points approach – but its really an opportunity for me to show how adaptive I really am.
I do think a good portion of this is because my week, on a personal level has been shitty, for lack of a better word (and you know I don’t curse that much on the blog).
First, last week – the air conditioner broke. It was fine and then the air stopped blowing. That ended up being a freon leak (joy of joys) but was fixed for an actually surprising low fee (I know a guy who knew a guy… thank the stars for knowing guys!). The engine light in my new van came on… for no reason. Yay. The vet thinks our dog has Cushing’s Disease… which is really pricey to diagnose let alone even pricier to treat. Since he has these weird sores on his skin, it was quite the payout for antibiotics, the vet trip, and some ear ointment for an ear infection. And… to top it all off… our cat died.
I know – right.
I am pretty sure that I know why I’m not doing well with finding my hour to internally address the crud that was thrown at me today at work…. to lose our cat really sucks. Sadly – also expensive.
Our family emotions have been on a bit of a roller coaster, our financials are blow to hell and back with all these extra costs coming in, and my personal place has just not been a good one.
I really want to just take my hour right now. I want to find my center, ground myself, and move forward.
Because I chose not to post a huge tribute to Kyul (or so lovely hashtagged as #knittykitty), I will leave you knowing that I’m fighting to find my hour by the end of tonight… and with a picture of our beloved Kyul taking a nap whilst I knit. She was deeply loved and will be missed even more.